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Member Since: 04/09/2020
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Have you ever had a Slovenian girl friend who disappeared for weeks on end after becoming involved in a new relationship? Perhaps that person was you?
BellaOnline is an online magazine for women that focuses on a variety of topics including dating. Imagine that!
While reading through the mirage of dating articles, I found one that I felt needed a bit more focus and hopefully discussion.
It’s great to be caught up in a new relationship, to feel the pleasures of falling in love, but when you become so absored in the relationship that you lose your entire being and self identity, it’s time to step back and create your own space in order to maintain your own individuality.
We all need our space, and this is really true once we become involved in a relationship. As an outsider looking in on other’s relationships it is easy to see when space is needed. For example, it’s easy to criticize your friend who disappears for weeks on end only to contact you if her boyfriend is on a business trip, or breaks up with her, etc. But why is it so hard to see ourselves behaving this way. There are some warning signs to look for when you are not giving yourself or your partner enough space. More …
The article goes on to offer up the following signs that you may just need to create more space within the relationship:
-your friends stop calling
-you can’t remember the last time you spent your free time apart
-you have stopped doing a hobby that you once loved
-friends and family are complaining they never seen you anymore
What are some other signs or warnings that you may be overly consumed in a relationship and need to create a little breathing room to keep true to the person you once were?
“If she hasn’t given you her weekend, then don’t even say you guys are dating.”
I lifted this thought from a friend’s post, which was quickly followed by a number of people commenting that they agree with it.
I guess, it’s time for my *opinionated* self to dissect the said thought. Hehehe.
The essence of the statement is as real as the sky is blue. Well, from where you’re standing, looking up, you’d see that it is blue but if you try to bottle up the sky, it’s not really blue, right?
Alright. Alright. I know you may be thinking — what does the sky have to do with dating on a weekend? Uh — just give me a chance to explain, people!
The essence that I was referring to was the importance of “time allotment” in dating. Some schedules are simply too cramped for dating. Or perhaps priorities differ for each person. Bottomline, giving significance to going out on weekends is somewhat silly.
To further elaborate, let me illustrate.
Girl A [let’s call her Isabel] keeps a 58-hour work week on the average and has her weekends free for leisure activities with friends, family or dates. Girl B [let’s call her Alyssa] keeps a normal 9-5 job and spends her weekend doing volunteer work, hobbies and activities with family and friends.
For Isabel, weekends are quite normal for dates and is no inconvenience to give up. For Alyssa, it’s the only time for her to do the things she loves and prefers to go out on a weekday, thus, making weekends strictly a time for personal space.
Get the picture?
If you try to define dating in terms of what days in the week you go out on is really silly. It simply cannot be limited to that! Hahaha. I’d like to say that it’s the frequency and the quality of the dates, which the two of you have that matters and will ultimately define whether if you guys are, indeed, dating or not.